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How to Fix Alien Versus Predator
blackcat(august_vizor): How to Fix Alien Versus Predator I was about 10 years old when I first saw Alien Versus Predator (AVP) and my reactions to film was "WOW! THAT WAS AWESOME". The film appealed to me at the time because of the mindless action scenes. I became a fan of the Alien and Predator series that as I grew up I watched the original films and I was completely blown away. But when I watched AVP again this time I was older and have now seen the originals, I quickly realized that the AVP is childish and poorly written. The problem starts with Paul W. S. Anderson. He has been known for directing really lame and cheesy action movie adaptations of once proud franchises like the Resident Evil, Death Race and Mortal Kombat. He made the poor decision of deciding that the film was to be rated PG-13. Every other Alien and Predator movie was rated R, and for good reason too--the films contained violence, blood, gore, nudity, drugs or alcohol, swearing and most importantly, an adult story line and tone. All these factors were completely removed from AVP in favor of the lower rating. In one scene from AVP an Alien was about to preform its famous head bite, but just before it happens, the scene cuts away. In another scene the famous line from Predator, "you're one ugly mother-fucker," is completely cut out. The film just takes from fan favorite scenes. The action scenes are kind of a let down. In once scene the Predator grabs the Alien and just does some pro-wrestling moves on it. The film uses way too much slow motion as if it were some Matrix knock-off. And another scene in which the Alien spins on the ground like Curly from The Three Stooges. In all honestly the movie felt like I was watching a Power Rangers film. The film's quality could be just as similar as an episode of Power Rangers. And that's what essentially what the film is which makes it childish. The Predator and Alien looked really bad. The Predator looked fat, clumsy, overly physique almost like some really big football player. The Alien looked like some big black snake mixed with a pervert in a gimp suit, although it did look better than Alien: Resurrection (another really bad movie), Anderson did not hire the original makeup artist for the Aliens and Predators movie, Stan Winston. Even to his disappointment he really wished he was hired to work on the film. Another issues, which is a big issue, is that AVP does not follow the story line from the original Alien movies. The whole point of the original Alien series is to prevent the Aliens from reaching Earth. But in AVP it turns out that the Aliens were living in Earth for thousands of years! That is just such an insult to the original films and to Sigourney Weaver's character, Ellen Ripley. Ripley kills herself in Alien 3 to prevent Weyland-Yutani (the company) from attempting to capture the Alien and bringing it to Earth to attempt to weaponize the creature, because if the Alien reaches Earth it would destroy the Earth. But in AVP nothing bad happens despite of the Aliens being there for thousands of years. In all honesty I could go on longer about why this film is bad but I just realized the goal is to FIX the movie in about 300 words. But I got carried away. But now that the problem has been addressed now its time to fix. If I were to fix this movie one thing to understand is that the Alien and Predator movies are not actually that compatible. Alien is a suspenseful-horror, and Predator is an action-thriller. To make an actually make the movie good someone has to mix the two in some really good way that just flows right. The way I would do it is that the movie is to take place in the distant future in space and in some unknown planet. The characters would be a small crew Colonial Marines like the ones in Aliens in search of the other crew of Marines from the second Alien movie. The Marines explore the ruins of LV-426 and Hadley's Hope. In the ruins one Marine finds an egg from the Alien queen. As he inspects the egg it opens and he gets facehugged (fans would realize it is a queen facehugger). Thew crew takes him back to the ship and struggle with understanding what has happened to him and what his on his face. As they decide to leave and head back to Earth they hear a distress call coming from a near by moon and to them it sounds like the crew the the U.S.S Sulaco. So they decide to head to this moon and find that it is completely covered with dense jungle. As they explore the terrain one Marine is snagged by the Predator's net gun and Marines are struggling to get cut the net and one loses his fingers in trying to put the net. But it is no use and they watch their friend die right before their eyes in a gruesome fashion. They retreat to a cave a gather their thoughts. Fear takes them over and people are crying and arguing, and in the middle of all that, the Marine impregnated by the facehugger start showing symptoms. No one realize until he is on the ground in agonizing pain. When they hear the first crack of his ribs everyone stops and looks and they are horrified by the sight of the a screeching creature bursting out of a man's chest. They are speechless and the creature retreats further into the cave. In a panic they run out and try to head back to their ship but the Predator is there and kills more Marines. They fight back only damaging their own ship. They decide to camp while they wait for their ship to be repaired. One Marine lookout is kidnapped by the developing Alien queen. Since the Marines are stuck they decide to look for the source of the distress signal and for their missing partner. They decide to head further into the dark jungle. More Marines are killed by the Predator but the Marines have yet to see the Predator. As they head closer to the source of the distress call to their amazement they discover the Predator's ship and it turns out the Predator recorded the distress call and played it so it can hunt the Marines, the distress call was simply bait. Back at the cave the kidnapped marine finds himself attached to a wall with a facehugger on the ground. he sees the alien queen full sized and has laid some eggs. Eventually he is chestbursted producing the first Alien. As the Marines explore the Predator's ship, Predator itself reveals itself and kills more Marines. At the camp the Alien stealthily kills and injures some Marines and kidnaps surviving Marines to be used for the queen's eggs. The crew running from the Predator make their way back to the ship only to discover the massacre. They receive a radio call from one of the survivors and sates he is stuck back at the cave and see's his partners dead with holes in their chest. The rescue team decides to go into the cave and find the last survivor but realized they cannot help him for he has been impregnated by the facehugger. The Marines decide to kill the survivor but in the process they awake the fully grown Aliens and their queen. The Marines fight back but it is not enough. One Marine is killed by acid. As they fall back they see all the eggs and decide to destroy them all angering the Queen. They escape the cave and find the predator outside waiting for them but what the Predator did not realize was that the Aliens were right behind them. The Aliens fight the Predator while the remaining Marines struggle turning the ship on. The fight continues and the Predator is injured but kills all the Aliens. As the Predator approaches the ship the Alien queen emerges from the cave. The Queen and the Predator fight but the predator is no match and is killed but has enough time to activate a bomb from its wrist gauntlet. The queen approaches the ship ship but it takes off. Leaving behind a massive explosion. Back at their main ship the remaining Marines are exhausted and devastated but relived that it is over. But to their surprise the queen stowed away on the ship and kills more Marines. One Marines get on the attack power-loader while the others fight back with other weapons but most die. The Marine on the loader is killed by a strike of the Queen's tail and tells another Marine open the blast doors to send it to outer space. The plan worked and the very few Marines head back to Earth. That was long, sorry, but I did put a lot of time into this. I am passionate about this series and it is almost embarrassing to admit that because of what happened to this series. I often question how did an Oscar/Academy Award winning film series end up being nominated for Razzies? This is the AVP I would watch. I know is missing a lot like characters and a script but this sounds way better than what I saw. Close charcter interaction that make the viewers care for each character. A mature story line, practical effects with CGI to the minimal, and make-up effects like what Stan Winston would do along with a scary soundtrack and dark themes. Man I now really want to see this movie! I can still go on but I think I wasted way too much of my time and yours. To think I started at around 8:00 pm.